Not Anti-Social, But Anti So Social

Sorry for such a stupid title, but yes, it is true that there’s nobody anti-social in the world. Actually, they are anti-so-social. They are the sorts of people who’re very careful in the selection of their friends, and I’m one of them. One thing we need to understand is that nobody is born with a tag of anti-social. We (anti-social) had a time when we were so social, but then why have we become so anti-social? At this point, I am in a position to share my experience that might be similar to others, but definitely, everybody will have their own circumstances to be called anti-social (anti so social).

I distinguish myself from others who’re so social. I don’t like to join a throng of people. I took this position after I had the worst experience with some unnecessary and toxic people in my early life. However, I appreciate my decision, I made it wisely and timely. Otherwise, I couldn’t write these words here.

Don’t think I am against of people who love to be social.

My only concern is “Why keep unnecessary people in life, especially when you don’t know whether they are good or bad people.” Alright, only a person can write this, who has been victimized by the people who were not the same as they showed. Just ask yourself, do you hand over your car to everyone, or do you open your house door for everyone? Obviously not, because you would never want that someone damage your car or steal something from your house. Then why your life is open for everyone; Is this not precious for you? Oh, May you’re such a kind of person who believes in humanity. That’s good, even I believe in humanity. But I love my life and my family too.

Along with my all apologies, the people who say we’re social, but many of them are so mean and selfish, not all but a large majority. It is because, if you think about others instead of only your life, then you’ve to be careful with every action and decision of your life. Because any step towards the wrong people can harm you but also your loved ones.

Don’t be shy to call yourself anti-social (anti so social), because it’s a sign that proves you’re enough experienced to understand people. It’s easier for me to surround myself with many people, but people are being obnoxious in the present state of affairs. They always try to pull the wool over others’ eyes. I know it sounds too acerbic, but it never means to segregate yourself from the rest of the world. This world is still filled with nice people, and you’re free to allow them into your life.

There might be some questions regarding this topic, such as:

  • How to identify the right people?
  • How can I believe someone?
  • How can I live alone by letting people go away from my life?

Let me clear my stance first, I am not detaching you from the people, but helping you to know how you can tell right from wrong. As indicated earlier, we need to be careful in the selection of the right people; therefore, I’ve some principles that protect me from the wrong people.

1- First thing first, when someone comes into your life, never explore everything about you to him/her. Take some time to ensure whether you can trust him/her or not.

As stated by “Nicholas Sparks“:

“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”

2- Categorize people in your life and treat each category differently like:

  • The Closest people (Supposed to be your family members on whom you can trust)
  • Mates (Classmates, office colleagues, etc.)
  • Best Friend (A childhood friend or a friend who spends more time with you)

3- Except your closest people or loving family members, don’t keep too many expectations with others.

4- If you don’t feel good with any specific person, and you have concerns regarding his/her role in your life. Make a distance with that person.

5- Determine who’s doing what for you, since not every person who seems good for you will surely be good, and neither every person you think is bad will surely be bad for you. You should have the ability to understand people by their actions, character, gestures, and words.

Know your surroundings and who or what should or shouldn’t be there. Where we stand today and with whom, it will drive our future destiny. That’s why I advise you to select only the right people, who really care about you.

By Aleem Ahmed Qureshi  |   Submitted On November 24, 2017

Kiss of Communication

Kiss of Communication: The term “Kiss” dominates the statement (Keep it short and specific).

After getting old and experienced in life, I came across the title “Kiss of Communication (Kiss: Keep it short & specific)” that can surely help others to make significant and positive changes in their communication. It costs nothing but needs some understanding and analysis of two things:

  1. How do you communicate?
  2. How should you communicate?

At first, we’re going through with some common ways of communication, it will give us an opinion about the common mistake of communication that we usually do in our regular conversation. However, each statement here is representing my thoughts, you may agree or disagree with any argument.

One of the major mistakes that people make is assuming that communication is all about speaking fluently without any grammatical mistakes, that’s correct, but it’s not enough because communication skills are not specified for any particular language. No matter what language you know, the matter is how you convey your words.

Let’s have a view on some gibberish styles of communication:

1- Deflected Communication:

The deflected communication reflects the conversation that’s ambiguous. Personally, I believe communication must straight forward so we can receive clear responses in return, but sometimes straightforward statements in communication can consider as impolite communication. So, the communication must tend towards its origin with the clear meaning of what you’re saying.

2- Restrained Communication:

In addition, to have more specific communication, it would be better to restrain yourself with the subject of your communication. Don’t stretch your communication with unnecessary stuff, else people will stop listening to you if they felt their time is wasted.

3- Distracted Communication:

Communication becomes in form along with a bundle of statements in which each word you used is equally important with its significant meaning. It is important to understand that a single word of a statement might miss-lead someone or can be a reason to create a wrong impression about you. This becomes more important when your targeted listener is not so mature. However, the only solution to prevent this case is to taste your words before spit them out.

4- Behavioral Communication:

I am calling this behavioral communication, although it would not be new to sound for you. It is the type of communication that often comes through the behavioral states. Like aggressive or emotional communication.

May at this moment you’ll be thinking what’s wrong with this behavioral communication. Perhaps it utmost importance to realize not every statement that comes through behavioral communication should consider as true; It’s because many people are not willing to control their words when talking with an aggressive or emotional attitude. It causes them to throw the words against of their actual intentions.

5- Referenced Communication:

In other words, I would like to call this indirect communication that often you experience in life when someone talks with you on behalf of another person. Although nothing is bad in this, it should only follow when really needed. However, we should neglect to discuss indirect or referenced communication, until we know the real background or concept behind that.

That’s what I collected in my communication experience, but the story doesn’t end here. There are a lot of other stuff you may discover yourself about communication mistakes. Just realize how people respond or behave with you when you communicate with them. For instance, if you notice you’re being isolated, then there might be several reasons behind it where you should start to think about your communication style is your first impression and expression to others.

By Aleem Ahmed Qureshi  |   Submitted On November 11, 2017

Control Your Mind Lest It Control You (Part-1)

Are you mentally stressed, tensed, exhausted, frustrated? People call you psycho? Are you thinking about suicide?

Wait for a moment, I’m trying to ascertain the facts about this problem that I’ve, you’ve and many others have. Because you’re not the only one who has these such issues, many people are having similar issues and most of them are afraid to discuss this with others.

Try to answer the following questions in “Yes” or “No”:

  • Do you want to leave alone?
  • Don’t you trust other people?
  • Do you love someone and worry about him/her a lot?
  • Do you think too much?
  • Are you anxious or afraid?
  • Do you have enemies?
  • Do you have a new issue in each new day, that make you upset?
  • When some people are talking with each other outside of your place, do you feel like they are talking about you?
  • Are you retiring boy or girl?
  • Do you think, there’s any conspiracy against you?
  • Do you think is there any black magic, evil, or any negative power that prevents you to moving on with your life?
  • Do you have bad nightmares?
  • Is there something in your mind for which you’re not sure whether is this reality or not?

 

Alright, continue to read, if you got an answer with “Yes” against of the following question I asked above. Let me tell you first, I am not a psychiatrist and I’m not going to suggest you the same solutions that you usually hear from a psychiatrist like:

 

  • You need to travel or outing
  • You need a good gathering
  • Keep busy yourself with work
  • Think positively or blah blah…

 

Why not? It’s because I believe you can’t eliminate these issues until you’re prepared for this mentally. Also, understand these such issues were not born in yourself in one or two days. It’s been a long time since these issues were taking place inside you that’s why it is also not going to leave you in one or two days, it will take some time depending on your strength. I am going to write a series of articles on this topic, this article is the first one of that series and each article will help to get back in normal life.

 

Go back a little into your past and think what was running through your mind a day or a week, ago that upset you and now what is running today in your mind that’s stressing you. What I am trying to say here every day you get a new issue that upset you and each new issue replaces the last one. Like yesterday, I was worried to think about “my exam result” but today I am worried to think about “my financial issues”. I’ve ignored or aside yesterday’s issue and now I’m giving my all attention to the current issue for today.

If these such issues are the reason to call you a psycho patient, then I believe the entire world is psycho because somehow every person has at least one similar kind of issue that we discussed above. Although I described only a few factors, while according to the professional psychiatrists, there’re many little factors those supposed to be lying in mental issues. Like: “if you’re using a mobile phone a lot then it is an issue of mental state”.

Let’s now pass on to the positive things:

Not every comment people pass to you, should be considered in a negative context, Find some good and positive aspects like:

  • Do you think a lot? If yes, then it shows you have a creative mindset.
  • Do you talk to yourself? If yes, then you’re an interesting kind of person.
  • Are you worried about someone? If yes, then you do true love with him/her.

The only thing that goes wrong with you is sometimes you lose control over your mind. It looks like your mind controlling you and you’re accepting every bullshit, it says to you. So, start out to get back your peace of mind with the commitment that you’ve enough strength to control your mind. This topic is so wide and I’ll write more about this. Hope it will help you and once a day you’ll be able to fix all the issues yourself.

By Aleem Ahmed Qureshi  |   Submitted On December 05, 2017

Common Perspectives of Religions and Believers

What is a religion?

This might be an unusual question for those people who don’t belong to a religion, but for those who do, this is a question they are over-smartly confident in, and hence they hold erring beliefs. Here we are going to figure out some really important points which coerce us to be engaged with a particular religion. Let’s begin with a little illustration of the term “Religion”.

On rational grounds, a belief in the notion that’s supported with historical events is what we call a “Religion”. There might be many questions, confusions, and even conflicts about different religions, but as we look upon all the religions we hold the fact that all of them are connected and have the same “soul”.

Usually, we compare our religious beliefs with others in order to prove that our religion is superior to theirs; however, in my understanding, one common thing that serves as a backbone of all religions is that all of them stretch a fine line between “good and bad”. Therefore, it can be said without a doubt that every religion makes us abstain from wrongdoing and encourage us for goodwill to make the world a better place.

As a matter of fact, we hold religious beliefs out of inheritance and stick to those beliefs throughout our lives; so the point of accepting the norms of an alternative religion totally goes out of the question, let alone respect the other religion for spreading righteous lessons. The reason why we can’t give room in our heads to comprehend to other beliefs is that we believe in our righteousness more than the correctness of the beliefs we hold. It is firstly important that we embrace the notions on the basis of reason rather than following a belief blindly as a token of family values.

Another aspect that unites all religions in a conglomeration is that the Holy Books may have been written by different sources, but they all deliver the same ideas in their gist. A comparative study of religions also makes you deduce truth on the basis of reason as well as having a positive religious approach.

Why do we require a holy book?

A complex answer would be that we require a Holy Book so that we may know how we can lead our lives according to the principles stated in the scriptures. The answer is true. However, coming up with a simple and the truest answer, a few words would sum up the whole picture which is that; we “psychologically” need it!

Take an example of a country that runs without a constitutional system or laws, it would become a whole lot of failure. In fact, there would be no such country, lest it is some other planet. We humans have to have a tangible copy of rules that should tell us how to lead our daily lives lest we become barbarians. The same applies with religious beliefs.

Why are religions so important to us?

Till this moment, you must have understood the fact that; all religions teach us about humanity, morality, and define the way to live a successful life. But there’s another interesting fact that we need to abide by the principles of religion because we find our happiness in it. Surprised? Let’s explain this with real-life examples.

Oftentimes there comes an upset situation in our life when we really need someone to support us morally or to motivate us, suppose in such a situation, there’s nobody around us to help. In such circumstances when we feel stressful and helpless, those of us who have religious beliefs call their God/s to help them. And if their faith is strong they would actually feel comfortable because they know there’s always someone to listen to them and help them which is/are God/s.

As we pass our worries to God/s, we know that there is someone who is helping out of our problems. The notion that we are never alone and that God/s is/are watching on us gives us a sense of satisfaction and motivation which drives us to struggle and fight more effectively to get rid of our problems. As a consequence, if we endeavored enough and the problem is solved later; we increase our faith and become thankful to our benefactor. Hence, this clearly suggests that the psychological level plays an important part in whichever belief we hold.

Why do we count on our beliefs?

The answer has an analogy that would better describe my point. Consider that you’re learning car driving and there’s an expert driver sitting next to you, then obviously, you will drive more confidently instead of driving alone which will make you feel afraid and confused. Likewise, we count on our beliefs because we know that the stereotypical rules will protect us from harm and will make us feel more secure in what we do.

Why do we follow a religion?

One more amazing part of religion is that it charms our lives with a lot of religious events which are a part of almost all religions. These lively events provide a day to celebrate life and to know the calendar events even before the year starts. This helps us stick to religious values as well as have a systematic life.

So far we have understood that there’s nothing wrong about following a religion and that all religions have common aspects that deliver somewhat the same messages from the core. All religions are created to guide us. It basically depends upon our thinking and how we believe in things on the basis of the reason that we may choose the righteous path. So, there are three basis on the pillars of which religion stands:

  • It teaches us about good or bad and all about humanity
  • It gives us hope and confidence
  • It shines through our lives with its amazing events

By Aleem Ahmed Qureshi  |   Submitted On October 21, 2015

Aleem Qureshi

The Life Doesn’t Offer Any Lifeline

I do believe that I’m blessed. Well, I’m not a man of means, I still do struggle to pull off all my desires and wishes. People follow the different phenomena about living a good life. Whatever they have been doing, it’s temporary for a specific interval. Actually, there are two practices that prevail as follow:

  • A person who believes to have a good job with a generous salary so that person can invest for dinning-out, shopping, and traveling.
  • A person who strives to move abroad believing that the new country is waiting for him/her anxiously. Again! For the sake of a good job, handsome salary package, and comfort of a developed country.

As I see it, both practices are worthless, How? The people from both practices are doing a tough job, of course, to earn a good salary by the end of the month. They work for 8-10 hours regularly (From Morning to Evening) at their workplace. Afterward, if they’re married, then there must be some more family responsibilities are expected at home. Eventually, at night when it’s supposed to have a calm sleep, but No, they would sleep with the stress about waking up early in the next morning, approaching the office on time, reporting/answering to the boss, and if they have pessimistic colleagues then I really share my sympathy.

As far as concerned about those, who’ve migrated abroad in search of a happy life, Not everyone is so far lucky enough. Most of them think that living in abroad is an ideal life. Although, the working conditions are more difficult there, and how much time you require to explore the beauty of that developed country 6 months, 1 year or 3 years obviously not the whole life. What then? Usually, they keep reserve a month in a year for resting in virtue of tours and travels. Sound like, they are forfeiting 16 hours of a day (except 8 hours of sleep) and 335 days of a year to get relief of rest 35 days by traveling or touring somewhere.

From my personal perspective, I’ll not go with either option from above, not everything is favorable for me. I do my own business, I’ve to rush at my work, I feel stressed too. But when I say, I am blessed, it’s because of the following reasons:

  • I do eat whatever and whenever  I want.
  • I do buy whatever I like, even if something is prohibitive, then I don’t need to make a cut on my budget. Instead, I can perform more work to secure more amount.
  • I’m not answerable to anyone and not letting anyone to affront me.
  • Most important! I sleep with complete rest and dreams.

By the way, this liberty in my life is not temporary, I feel it every day. I do enjoy my traveling trips too, moreover, the credit of my work goes to me, not to someone else. I’m not saying the people who do jobs or live in abroad are wrong. But Are they really happy in doing jobs or living abroad? I’ve been failing in my academic journey, but in my professional life. I’ve been watching people from the recent generation are more intelligent than me but why they don’t choose the right path? This is something that everyone needs to think twice before to stepping ahead in the danger zone.

– By Aleem Ahmed Qureshi

Aleem Qureshi

The Crux of My Life!

The title of this article brings to light some questions that are consistently being asked by me, as follows:

Why do you name Arfa too much?
Why don’t you quit serving for Arfa Karim Foundation?
Why don’t you focus on yourself to be you?
Why you’re traveling to Lahore again and again?
And so many why, why, why…..

The one-word answer to all these questions is “I’m scared”. I have asked the same series of questions to myself too. After a comprehensive review of my life reminiscence, I stumbled upon some cathartic repercussions within myself. Some of my closest people call me “Abnormal” in the sense that they think I am an obstinate person. Somehow it’s true because I don’t believe to comprise my journey in virtue of unjustified social and traditional norms.

Back in 2016, I was actually surrounded by failures, deficits, daemons, faux associations, lack of interest, etc. After the trials and tribulations of my life, for the first time, I heard the name “ARFA” that you always catch in my conversation. From this point onwards. I got healed in my life, continues financial benefits, an exploration of life, and have an association with some great people. It doesn’t sound practical, but this is my belief that never fails.

Don’t take my words wrong, it’s the belief that I put for myself (Self-Confidence) but referring to “Arfa” as a point of convergence between me and my success. Today, despite having workload and concern, I’m still not quitting this belief and journey with “Arfa & Arfa Karim Foundation” because I’m scared that I’ll lose everything that I’ve been getting through it. Furthermore, this is something belief, spirituality, or better half that also protects me from being delinquent, and today! I am devoted to myself.

Author: Aleem Qureshi

Aleem Qureshi

Essense of Arfa

Unlike writing with general ethos, I usually take a peek at something or someone that is beyond belief. The overall life of “Arfa Karim” was exceptional,  I often regret the absence of “Arfa Karim”. Although I’m getting divine support in her advocacy, I had already written about that in my previous blog “Arfa My Savior”. May, I can’t exemplify the exact persona of “Arfa”, perhaps I would like to reveal her soulmate. It’s someone who not only holds the same biological genes as “Arfa” but this person is a new lease of “Arfa’s” life. It’s Dawood Karim (The youngest brother of “Arfa Karim”).

I’ve been observing him since he was in school. It’s been 3 years and he has shifted to university for further study. But honestly speaking, As he’s up in years now, I found him more adorable (one in a million). Let’s have a look at some cases that will validate my observations about him and you’ll feel an absolute sense of Arfa in her brother persona. At my first interaction with him, He was so silent in words, but his gesture, especially eye contact was enough to respond with gratitude. Whenever I ask or discuss something with him, He probably comes back with just 2-3 words and I feel curious to intuit how It becomes admissible for me. No counters, No objections, No irrelevancy. Astounded! I mean, I never thought that it could be so simple to convince someone’s in just 2-3 words contrary to own arena. No doubt, There’s God blessing upon him too, just like Arfa. Before concluding the reason, let me share two more kind gestures by him in my last meeting.

We had a huddle of family and friends in the lobby, after a while, each one was about to leave the place and only 2 persons had stayed behind in that lobby me and brother of “Arfa” – Dawood Karim. I was still there on that spot waiting for my cup of tea, similarly, Dawood Karim also stood there beside me. At first, I thought he should have a reason to stay there, but as 15 or more minutes had elapsed, I had to ask “Dawood – Are you waiting for something?” He said! No, I’m just here….. I was shocked to know that he’s basically staying there to attend me, however, it was not my first interaction with him now.

Then, after a couple of days, when I was waiting for a cab to leave his house. Again, he was there to host me and after a short gossip, He asked! Why don’t you eat something before leaving? I replied: No, Thanks. The cab is on its way and I am not feeling hungry… Almost 10 minutes were passed and I got the notification that the cab is canceled and another cab will come in a little more time. As usual, this boy was still nearby to me, so I had told him about this delay. Here’s the virtue comes again! When he politely said: Cab is late… “Think Again! – Still, You Don’t Want to Eat?”

Seriously, the height of hospitality. I can just state words here, but not actions and expressions. At least, I have never seen a generous person like him in my 30 years of life except “Arfa” that’s why I’m calling him the “Sense of Arfa”.

 

Conclusion:

 

I do acknowledge that some people try to give their best hospitality and reception (extraordinarily), I personally do my best too. But most of us do it for a reason like To make someone happy, in pursuing the order of someone, or In honor of someone (notable or worthy person). But He’s the guy, who doesn’t discriminate, He treats everyone equivalently with a pure and kind heart. It seems like, It’s his job or true self, carried through his parents moreover by Arfa Karim.

 

Author: Aleem Qureshi